OH MY GOD, Are those REAL?? In Praise of Real Anything Over Fake Everything and A Little Sunday Mental Exercise

I’m still thinking about that 44% of women who’d read Fifty Shades of Grey and when polled said they’d choose fantasizing over Mr. Grey over having real sex with a flesh and blood man who wanted them. As I said here, it’s mind boggling. Fantasy can’t replace every nuance when two people are physically intimate. It’s like eating low fat, low sugar ‘frozen confection’ desserts instead of a goopy ice cream sundae.  Sure, the frozen dessert is tasty, and it takes care of the temporary urge for sweet, but it is NOT as satisfying as that sundae. (Spare me the, not as good as thin feels stuff, too – I’ve been working on my weight a long time and I know how the propaganda works) As a matter of fact, Russell Brand (who knew, right?) posted a really eloquent video of the damage porn (yes, Fifty Shades fans, that means you, too) does over time, and I think the staggering 44% proves that.  Here’s his video:

In keeping with this theme of ‘real vs. fake’ I got into a mini debate on rachelbeingchatty’s blog about what NOT to say to women. The discussion was about real diamonds vs. fake ones, and one of her other readers commented on the moral/ethical issues with real, mined diamonds and how lab created diamonds are just as pretty, chemically the same and don’t carry the heavy psychic burden of how they’re mined, but they ARE diamonds. After some back, some forth, and agreeing to disagree,I still contend that just because it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, that doesn’t mean it IS actually a duck. For example:


Cuteness Cubed!


Also cuteness cubed. But, is it the same as the picture on the left?

Both pictures are FULL of stinking cuteness, but only one set of ducklings will poop in your bathtub and grow up into big ducks that will take wing every fall for warmer climates, hopefully to return in the spring ready to make more little pooping ducklings to be cute for us. I know someone is sitting there reading this and thinking, well the rubber ducks will always be cute, but I ask you to think about the last one you tossed because the paint had peeled off and it was all ooky.


When it comes to real or fake, especially in the realm of pets, real is preferable. You can cuddle with a stuffed kitten, but the purring warmness of a real one is irreplaceable. No kid rejoiced because Mom and Dad got him a toy puppy instead of a real Golden Retriever, unless they’re too little for a puppy in the first place.

In today’s day and age, you can get substitutes for just about anything. Luckily for the “conscientious” diamond buying objectors out there, there are ethically sourced diamonds available from retailers online. So, yes you can give your true love a little miracle of uniqueness that represents the eternalness of your bond while erases the deep  ‘moral’ objection that hid the sad fact that a fake diamond allowed you to cheap out.  Of course, if you and your true love think spending thousands and tens of thousands on a sparkling reminder of the miracles of God and nature – the forces that brought you both together in the first place, is a waste and you want to do something crazy like buy a house, then there are still authentic gemstone choices that are affordable and pretty. The goal is to buy real because what you feel is real. Make sense? No?

Well, let’s carry on then….

Remember the great Twinkie disaster of 2013?  For those of you that don’t remember or didn’t hear because you live outside of the United States, Hostess Bakery made these iconic, subtly phallic (not so subtle) cakes:

sponge cake filled with cream...no, not phallic AT ALL.

sponge cake filled with cream…no, not phallic AT ALL.

Oh, despite knowing that Twinkies are engineered to last through the end of humanity on Earth, people went berserk, buying out every last cake.  Well, maybe not every LAST one….

In a real apocalypse scenario, people will fight to the death over those rejected strawberry cupcakes.

In a real apocalypse scenario, people will fight to the death over those rejected strawberry cupcakes.

Of course, humanity was saved when Flower Foods swooped in with $360 million dollars to save the day and the Twinkies. (and Devil Dogs and all the rest of Hostess’s snack cakes) and life carried on as usual, although it was close.

Which just goes to show you that sometimes, there is no substitute for the real thing and keeping that real thing around is worth $360 million.

But, when you’re surrounded by substitutes, simulations, duplicates, fakes and copies, it gets a bit hard to tell the real and authentic from the rest. I personally have to thank the people who’ve gotten breast implants for the reaction my unaugmented girls have received from time to time. I can now find pretty lingerie instead of the Army Corps of Engineered approved bras I had to buy before plastic surgery became so common is a cause for celebration, too. While real vs. fake in this case (as it is with any cosmetic procedure: nails, hair extensions, injections, whatever…let this statement cover all manner of appearance enhancements for fairness sake) is a matter of personal preference and in some cases, necessity, it doesn’t change that we exist in a reality that we can alter to suit ourselves.  Don’t like your eye color? No problem. There are color changing contact lenses (which work, I tried them and had forest green eyes for ages) Unhappy with your hair color? Well, now you can have every color hair you can imagine. It’s kind of like living in the Emerald City. Remember the beautification factory Dorothy and her friends get sent through before they see the Wizard? Like that, except all the time instead of for a special occasion, like meeting a Wizard.

I’m all for fantasy. I’m a fiction writer (well, I want to be) when I’m not writing these posts, so fantasy is a stock in trade.  But, I have to say, no character created, and goodness knows I covered them in February, could come close to being in the absolute right place, at the absolute right time with the absolute right guy, or for those less idealistic than I, any real, sweaty, sighing, groaning human being. They are copying people in different ways, not the least of which are anatomically correct sex dolls, but no fantasy/simulation/substitute should be put in place of real human interaction.

So, give some thought to what is real in your life and what is most important to you that it is authentic.(Real coffee over decaf, say, or ice cream over the low cal substitute) No matter how trivial that thing seems to be, okay? Don’t knock the value of something being the real, original thing and not a copy or variety.  And making this list will start you on the road to knowing what’s really you and what’s not, if you’re having issues there, otherwise, it’s a fun exercise and a handy tip sheet for the people that love you but never know what to do/buy/give you when a present is necessary.  Have fun with it though.

You might surprise yourself.

I’m going to do the list, too, and post it later, I promise.


One thought on “OH MY GOD, Are those REAL?? In Praise of Real Anything Over Fake Everything and A Little Sunday Mental Exercise

  1. Pingback: Do You Believe In Magic? The Thrill and Science Behind Being Kissed (And Often, By Someone Who Knows How) | This Counts As Writing, Doesn't It?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s